In a bold real estate move, the likes of which fair Morningside hasn't seen since Pinkberry's merciless eclipse of Tasti D-Lite, a restaurant called Empanadas Joe's has opened a few blocks down from Havana Central and just mere stores away from Chipotle, igniting a battle of Latin-influenced Broadway establishments. The empanada retailer will be taking the place of the darkly mysterious Wrapp Factory.
Little is known about Empanada Joe's: There's a restaurant called Empanada Joe's in Tulum, Mexico. And the company is apparently a registered business. Also, when Bwog was outside, a man approached us as we were taking a picture of the storefront. He suggested that we email the photo to the company, and that they would pay us for it. "If it's good," he added. As you can see, it is not.
A sign hanging outside announced that they were hiring (which means there are summer jobs still available!) and that today the store held a "meet and greet" for prospective employees. We assume EmJo will be open for business quite soon, at which point Chipotle and Havana Central will maybe be in for the fight of their lives, but probably not.
Of ALL the things that could open in that space, unoccupied for close to a year, of all the corners of the earth into which my imagination grandly wandered, it had to be...Latin food. Latin food approximately four doors down from Chipotle. Really? Really Morningside Heights? Really??
My dreams for the future are shattered; dashed to the ground. There is now nothing left to hope for. Goodbye cruel world, may I go to a place where regional cuisines are not turned into little fastfood minisnacks sold by stores sporting bright yellow signs with those ever present "food + possessive proper name" constructions written in unattractive (comic sans?) fonts.
::chokes on own vomit::
::dies::