The Bwog
Senior Wisdom: Laura S.
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Name, School:
Laura S., Barnard College

Claim to fame:
Student Government President

Post-grad plans:
M. Levin, Project Analyst

Preferred swim test stroke?
Swimming isnt part of the Nine Ways of Knowing.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?
1) He's not the one...
2) Neither is the other guy...
3) Nor is that guy's roommate.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.
As a Barnard woman I refuse to answer this question formally, as 'justifying my existence' is what I've been doing informally for four years.

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?
Funding at Columbia University (also known as F@CU).
All five governing boards have been fighting for the process to be open to the general public.
This year all of the four Councils agreed, but ironically no one showed up for the party.

What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?
This year's Varsity Show.

Which prof do you think would be the best kisser?
Professor/President Bollinger.

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?
"There is a sacred realm of privacy for every man and woman where he makes his choices and decisions-a realm of his own essential rights and liberties into which the law [or Bwog], generally speaking, must not intrude." - Fisher

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?
I'm Swiss, it would be unpatriotic to give up cheese.

Regrets?
Only one: filling out this Senior Wisdom and putting it on Bwog :)

Read more: Senior Wisdom, Senior Wisdom 2008

May 14, 2008 @ 5:25 PM | Comments 107 comments | Add comment Post a comment | Link to this article | | Email this post | Share on Facebook

Posted by wow: [#1] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 5:28 PM ) (from campus)
way to help out your barnard sister's reputation...

please tell me you are being ironic and "cute"
Posted by whoops: [#2] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 5:29 PM ) (from campus)
*sisters'
Posted by bleeeech: [#3] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 5:38 PM ) (from campus)
icky icky poo.
Posted by wow: [#4] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 5:42 PM ) (from campus)
that was so annoying on so many levels.
Posted by level #1: [#5] [reply] [track] (in reply to #4)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 5:49 PM ) (from campus)
the photo
Posted by i hope: [#6] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 6:09 PM ) (from campus)
her three things she learned at columbia were a joke. because otherwise, everything I've ever thought about barnard is completely true.
Posted by leopold: [#7] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 6:09 PM )
laura rocks!!! so lucky to have met her!!!
Posted by ummmmm: [#8] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 6:11 PM ) (from campus)
the three things she learned at Columbia--how typical.

Makes her 'justifying her existence' seem rather appropriate.
Posted by Philo of Alexandria: [#9] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 6:14 PM ) (from campus)
Bring on Josh Schwartz!
Posted by hmmmmm: [#10] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 6:15 PM )
How could she have learned something at Columbia when she wasn't IN Columbia?
Posted by Schwartz! Schwartz!: [#11] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 6:17 PM ) (from campus)
Schwartz! Schwartz!

etc.
Posted by I, too: [#12] [reply] [track] (in reply to #11)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 8:12 PM ) (from campus)
agree with number 12
Posted by aye: [#13] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 8:13 PM ) (from campus)
schwartz be wise
Posted by enough: [#14] [reply] [track] (in reply to #11)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 8:13 PM ) (from campus)
Why don't you all stop spamming Bwog and just ask the man to fill out the senior wisdom survey himself?
Posted by how about: [#15] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 8:16 PM ) (from campus)
Robyn Schneider - she's published 3 books. Although she'll be graduating in the winter.
Posted by Mantra Ray: [#16] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 8:20 PM ) (from campus)
Maybe we should have Sophomore Wise Foolishness?
Posted by hahahaha: [#17] [reply] [track] (in reply to #16)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 8:30 PM ) (from campus)
YESSSS
Posted by lets get: [#18] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 8:31 PM )
jason kim!
Posted by nice: [#19] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 8:38 PM ) (from campus)
[ This comment has been deleted. ]
Posted by ABC: [#20] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 8:50 PM ) (from campus)
For the record, we were the one governing board of the five that didn't give a rip about the openness of the proceedings.
Posted by Oh?: [#21] [reply] [track] (in reply to #20)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 9:08 PM ) (from campus)
And how did that work out for you?
Posted by Wow: [#22] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 9:12 PM ) (from campus)
I know this girl and she's cool in person, but she might as well have not even filled this out considering how awful this is.
Posted by how appropriate: [#23] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 9:17 PM ) (from campus)
[ This comment has been deleted. ]
Posted by bc 08: [#24] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 9:21 PM ) (from campus)
Clearly she's kidding about the boy thing. I don't know where this whole joke about Barnard girls wanting to find husbands came from- I can think of no place where it's more difficult to meet a decent boy.

ALSO I think it's funny that Columbia boys hold themselves in such high regard- the majority of us don't want to date/marry the majority of you. Except maybe some of the jews.
Posted by damnnnnnnnnn: [#25] [reply] [track] (in reply to #24)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 9:25 PM ) (from campus)
that's harsh. way to dispel the "shrew" stereotype.
Posted by cc09: [#26] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 9:33 PM ) (from campus)
seriously? you guys realize that she's joking, right? i thought her answers were pretty funny, and aptly succinct.
Posted by Well,: [#27] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 9:35 PM )
Might as well stick in Flanagan as well, in order to get the full Philo table.
Posted by no neil: [#28] [reply] [track] (in reply to #27)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 9:52 PM ) (from campus)
oh, gross.
Posted by ugh: [#29] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 10:35 PM ) (from campus)
self-righteous.

gross.
Posted by dude: [#30] [reply] [track] (in reply to #10)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 10:39 PM ) (from campus)
WORD!
Posted by because: [#31] [reply] [track] (in reply to #10)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 10:53 PM ) (from campus)
columbia was in her
Posted by god: [#32] [reply] [track] (in reply to #15)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 11:06 PM ) (from campus)
I was going to post that this Senior Wisdom was annoying, but Robyn is perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met at Columbia, or anywhere else. The books she's published are what, YA trash?
Posted by 1233333333333333: [#33] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 11:16 PM ) (from campus)
JOSH SCHWARTZ.
Posted by nah: [#34] [reply] [track] (in reply to #32)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 11:17 PM ) (from campus)
Didn't she write Tree of Smoke?
Posted by as a barnard girl: [#35] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 11:23 PM ) (from campus)
I'm sick of people like this making it harder for me to justify my existence at Columbia. The only thing I hate more than stereotypes about Barnard is the Barnard girls who so clearly live up to them.
Posted by umm: [#36] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 11:30 PM ) (from campus)
no?
Posted by amazing: [#37] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 11:31 PM ) (from campus)
[ This comment has been deleted. ]
Posted by yeah: [#38] [reply] [track] (in reply to #36)
( posted May 14, 2008 at 11:33 PM ) (from campus)
it won the national book award, dude
Posted by Irony is dead: [#39] [reply] [track]
( posted May 14, 2008 at 11:45 PM ) (from campus)
Wow, for a hipster school....

Long live Laura, one of the more impressive people I have met during my time here. I'm just bummed that I'm not the guy... or the other guy... or that guy's roommate.
Posted by wtf: [#40] [reply] [track] (in reply to #38)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 12:07 AM ) (from campus)
What are you, retarded? She didn't write it!!
Posted by dude: [#41] [reply] [track] (in reply to #40)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 12:38 AM ) (from campus)
read her fucking b+w interview, denis johnson is a penname because it's hard for women writers.

Posted by NO PLEASE NO: [#42] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 12:46 AM )
First of all, I'm almost positive that Robyn herself was the one posting that.

Second, I agree that she's the most annoying, self-promoting person I've met in college (or anywhere, for that matter).
Posted by bc lover: [#43] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 12:48 AM )
[ This comment has been deleted. ]
Posted by So...: [#44] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:05 AM ) (from campus)
How many Barnard girls have some of you actually sat down and talked to, and asked about their academic experiences? I'm not Barnard myself, but I've met a few impressive students. One that really surprised me was a non-traditional type who'd done school abroad, transferred to Barnard, took almost all of her classes under Columbia's Faculty of Arts & Sciences (with CC/SEAS/GS) and is graduating now, and entering Princeton's IAS in the Fall as a physics grad student.

I refuse to make sweeping institutional judgments about "Barnard Girls" or "GS Old Folks" or "SEAS Nerds" in public forums. That having been said, however, this particular individual is a cringeworthy example almost measured to fit the expectation's of Bwog's predominantly CC readership. Why didn't Bwog put up someone impressive, someone truly remarkable?

Maybe it's selection bias at work: is there a particularly high percentage of attention seekers from CC, GS, & Barnard in Bwog's sample? How were the submissions solicited?
Posted by not impressive?: [#45] [reply] [track] (in reply to #44)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:07 AM )
um, she IS the BC school president...
Posted by Oh my God: [#46] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:10 AM ) (from campus)
why was this Senior Wisdom not written by Josh Schwartz?
Posted by eh?: [#47] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:18 AM )
schwartz,

no one likes the pja, shut up and stop asking for a senior wisdom. If you write one you'll just get torn a new asshole, like david judd did.

Incidentally, david judd happens to be an asshole.
Posted by Oh my God Armin: [#48] [reply] [track] (in reply to #46)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:22 AM ) (from campus)
Shut up. Just stop.
Posted by agreed: [#49] [reply] [track] (in reply to #48)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:24 AM ) (from campus)
Tired of hearing that name... give it up.
Posted by Wow: [#50] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:25 AM )
Are the majority of those who comment on Bwog really lacking a sense of humor? This post was witty and fun. It's too bad Laura's senior wisdom was misunderstood by most of you.
Posted by oh please...: [#51] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:30 AM ) (from campus)
you ARE making judgments about "barnard girls" by thinking about her comments as more than a just a joke. if a cc/seas/gs girl had made the same joke, no one would think she was "cringeworthy"
Posted by adil: [#52] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:34 AM ) (from campus)
[ This comment has been deleted. ]
Posted by the problem:: [#53] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:37 AM ) (from campus)
Laura's not that funny....
Posted by wow: [#54] [reply] [track] (in reply to #41)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:55 AM ) (from campus)
I am honestly so, so impressed at your complete and utter stupidity. You are sitting in front of a computer, just fucking Google it you donkey!

[ external link to www.nationalbook.org ]
Posted by yeah: [#55] [reply] [track] (in reply to #54)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 1:57 AM ) (from campus)
i'm impressed with how easy you are to fuck with
Posted by well: [#56] [reply] [track] (in reply to #55)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 2:09 AM ) (from campus)
what was the point of that?
Posted by oh no: [#57] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 2:09 AM )
i'm sad that the humor was lost in this. i didn't see a lot of laura in her answers, maybe, but i did sense her humor. she's a warm, generous, fun and intelligent person. i love her and the work she's done as sga president! i also love the answer to the swim test question. and the fact that she's swiss.
Posted by Armin Rosen: [#58] [reply] [track] (in reply to #46)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 2:13 AM ) (from campus)
That's actually the only one of the Josh Schwartz comments I've written.

In light of that, I can't believe I'm responding to something as inane as an annonymous suggestion that I'm spamming Bwog comment boards. Now I feel sorry for the both of us.
Posted by i agree: [#59] [reply] [track] (in reply to #57)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 2:14 AM ) (from campus)
swiss origin is incredibly lovable. holy fuck do we need more swiss people.
Posted by Maybe: [#60] [reply] [track] (in reply to #59)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 2:24 AM ) (from campus)
that's why she's so cheesy.

See what I did there?
Posted by No.: [#61] [reply] [track] (in reply to #60)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 2:27 AM ) (from campus)
I don't get it.
Posted by she's: [#62] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 2:45 AM ) (from campus)
so clearly joking. and i found it funny. other people apparently missed out on the humor because they were so eager to bash barnard/anyone.

oh well.

GO LAURA, YOU ROCK.
Posted by For real: [#63] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:01 AM ) (from campus)
[ This comment has been deleted. ]
Posted by whatevs: [#64] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:15 AM ) (from campus)
whether it was good senior wisdom or not...y'all were gonna hate it either way, after reading

"Mintz Levin, Project Analyst"

cuz no offense, but when most of the CC/SEAS people who wrote senior wisdoms don't seem to know what they're doing next year, a *barnard* girl working for mintz levin must be pretty intimidating...
Posted by because: [#65] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:22 AM )
she chose to make "barnard" an issue. It's a total bait job, and not particularly funny. Answer number 4, funny, answer number 5, ha ha? Answer number 6 ("I don't have to justify myself!")? Can you say defensive humor?

Also, your favorite controversy was an internal student government brouhaha that no one other than student government types cared about or even noticed that just proved to show that no one cares about student government? Congratulations!

Also, your parting shot? Not particularly funny in light of the defensive nonsense that precedes it.

Nice try.

Posted by whatever: [#66] [reply] [track] (in reply to #64)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:26 AM )
You do know that "Project Analyst" is a glorified title for Paralegal, right? It's the program that Mintz uses to recruit college graduates who don't have actual skills yet, and train them in return for a 2 year commitment.
Posted by fools: [#67] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:33 AM )
[ This comment has been deleted. ]
Posted by wow: [#68] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:36 AM )
first barnard chick i dont actually hate... completely unapologetic... like the style.
Posted by whatevs: [#69] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:37 AM ) (from campus)
hahaha see what i mean?! intimidated. its coo
Posted by oh shit: [#70] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:50 AM ) (from campus)
that's a company?

i thought she was planning to marry mintz levin, the project analyst
Posted by oy vey: [#71] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:50 AM )
[ This comment has been deleted. ]
Posted by Dropped something!: [#72] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:52 AM )
...l.
Posted by haha yeah oh shit!: [#73] [reply] [track] (in reply to #70)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 4:25 AM ) (from campus)
haha yeah man, wouldn't life be so much better if chicks really WERE at barnard just to get husbands? sucks that they actually work their butts off and are taking all our f'ing jobs! its like dude, im starting to feel insecure about all this s***, so i gotta find lame ways to joke/call them stupid. after all man, the only way we're gonna fix this barnard situation is to undermine those chicks, because we sure as h*** can't compete with 'em! so--nice work on that joke man! "marry mintz levin"--SWEET!
Posted by stof rocks: [#74] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 4:33 AM ) (from campus)
laura might be one of the best people I know....
Posted by FellowBarnardStudent: [#75] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 5:36 AM ) (from campus)
[ This comment has been deleted. ]
Posted by FBS: [#76] [reply] [track] (in reply to #75)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 5:37 AM ) (from campus)
That was in reply to #36 by the way
Posted by Why: [#77] [reply] [track] (in reply to #70)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 5:39 AM ) (from campus)
would you advertise your own pathetic ignorance?
Posted by Actually: [#78] [reply] [track] (in reply to #66)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 5:43 AM ) (from campus)
The program you deride is highly selective. The position is actually a step up from being a paralegal- you get the training sans the thankless paper pushing. They hire 1 graduate for each of their offices once a year in Boston, ny, and DC and pay them a tidy sum to sit in a corner office (no I don't mean a cubicle) and gain those skills you mentioned.

She's also chosen to defer an offer from a law school, so perhaps you can go attempt to belittle somebody else's accomplishments?
Posted by Haha: [#79] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 5:52 AM ) (from campus)
damn. Who would have thought that this Bwog post would stir up so much cross-Broadway fire.

And you gotta love #74's self-censorship.
Posted by la la love: [#80] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 6:18 AM )
laura! she is such a powerhouse, and i learn so much from her, like how to be a decent human being in the face of all this campus' negativity. she's never let her ambitions get in the way of serving others or being kind.
Posted by wrong: [#81] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 8:45 AM ) (from campus)
SCHWARTZ!
Posted by barnard...: [#82] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 9:35 AM )
_______

Education

Barnard College, Columbia University- now that's a bold face lie
Posted by why?: [#83] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 9:57 AM )
why are we so mean at this university? We are all smart-- and really mean.
Posted by tongue twister: [#84] [reply] [track] (in reply to #83)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 10:12 AM ) (from campus)
one smart feller

sure felt smart

say it a million times fast

if you mess up you will say

one fart smeller

sure smelt fart

HA! FART!
Posted by ...: [#85] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 10:14 AM ) (from campus)
amen. cmon people, lets show some decency and stfu.
Posted by equatio: [#86] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 10:30 AM ) (from campus)
end of finals + not getting any + too much bwog = mean mean mean
Posted by too many: [#87] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 11:12 AM ) (from campus)
ARGGGGGGGGGGGG TOO MANY COMMENTS!!!!!!

Posted by Boohoo: [#88] [reply] [track] (in reply to #83)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 11:46 AM ) (from campus)
If you can't stand the heat get out of the...BWOG.
Posted by GuyfromCC: [#89] [reply] [track] (in reply to #68)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 12:27 PM ) (from campus)
Do you know any other Barnard girls to speak like that? That's more absurd that Sartre's existence.
Posted by TYPO: [#90] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 12:27 PM ) (from campus)
*than
Posted by donor: [#91] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 12:29 PM )
How much do you think I would have to donate to get Columbia to cut all ties with Barnard?
Posted by man: [#92] [reply] [track] (in reply to #91)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 12:30 PM ) (from campus)
don't be cutting out a large population of women at least some of whom are really cool people
Posted by are you?: [#93] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 3:37 PM ) (from campus)
Is she single?
Posted by UGH: [#94] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 4:02 PM ) (from campus)
i will be most sad to see miss laura go. she's one hot tamale.
Posted by yeah right: [#95] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 5:04 PM )
you wrote that josh, i know you did, you pompous cunt
Posted by wow: [#96] [reply] [track] (in reply to #8)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 7:19 PM )
wow i'm honestly SHOCKED at the inability of most people who read bwog to understand something we like to call "humor"
Posted by hahaha: [#97] [reply] [track] (in reply to #24)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 7:22 PM )
hahahahah i love you and couldn't agree more. everytime i read senior wisdom and reflect on three things I'VE learned at columbia, the first thing that pops into my mind is "never date a columbia guy." they have this absolutely charming combination of arrogance (about their intelligence) and insecurity (about their looks).
Posted by Wait...: [#98] [reply] [track]
( posted May 15, 2008 at 7:28 PM ) (from campus)
Why was my comment deleted, Bwog? Y'know...63, the harmless one in support of the Swiss and gruyere. Seemed pretty tame to me, in comparison with this ridiculous vitriol.
Posted by Juli (Site staff): [#99] [reply] [track] (in reply to #98)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 7:55 PM ) (from campus)
Comments that contain anyone's full name can be deleted at the request of that person.
Posted by so...: [#100] [reply] [track] (in reply to #99)
( posted May 15, 2008 at 9:06 PM ) (from campus)
she requested to have her last name hidden? Coz if I remember correctly, it wasn't "Laura S." before.
Posted by Yep: [#101] [reply] [track] (in reply to #100)
( posted May 16, 2008 at 1:11 AM ) (from campus)
She did, presumably so people Googling her wouldn't see these comments.
Posted by sheesh: [#102] [reply] [track] (in reply to #92)
( posted May 16, 2008 at 5:07 AM ) (from campus)
That population of women will still exist, but now they can't claim they go to Columbia just because they take classes there. They did apply to Barnard after all...
Posted by Did: [#103] [reply] [track] (in reply to #102)
( posted May 16, 2008 at 8:17 AM ) (from campus)
it ever occur to you that Barnard students might NOT actually want to claim they go to Columbia? That they might actually be proud to attend Barnard, a school that nurtures and educates, rather than CC, a school best likened to a puppy mill: cold, heartless, churning out individuals unfit for life in the real world? Yes, Barnard begrudgers, your energy spent hurling petty vitriol would be better spent getting what we across the street like to call "a life".
Posted by occurrence: [#104] [reply] [track] (in reply to #103)
( posted May 16, 2008 at 10:57 AM )
I don't doubt that they are happy to attend Barnard. It has many benefits. That doesn't mean that they're not also eager to claim the prestige of a "Columbia" degree.
Posted by fan: [#105] [reply] [track]
( posted May 16, 2008 at 12:01 PM )
I love Laura; the more silly BWOG commenters hate the more steadfast my love for her becomes.

Also, I went to CU and am EMBARRASSED when I read the stupid ish CU students write about Barnard. Especially the CC/SEAS women; get it together, Ladies, you seem so insecure.
Posted by jon cioschi: [#106] [reply] [track]
( posted May 22, 2008 at 11:47 PM )
kinda lame. met her the other night at the heights - pretty boring. tried to talk for more than three minutes and she sucked the life out of me.
Posted by jon cioschi: [#107] [reply] [track]
( posted May 22, 2008 at 11:47 PM )
by "sucked the life out of me" i mean she was incredibly difficult to talk to.
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