In which Bwog staffer Hillary B. unearths a trove of desperate preteen pleas.

The other day, one of my fellow interns at the marketing/publicity firm where I work turned to me and asked, "Do you know what happened to all the Good Charlotte fan mail?" That band once had been among our clients, and we've been receiving their mail for over a year.

"I don't know... I think Autumn threw it all out," I said. This was true — a few weeks ago, we had cleaned out the mailroom and the entire bag of fan mail had been unceremoniously dumped in the trash. What I didn't tell my colleague was that I had later smuggled the bag into my backpack and brought it home with me.

As much fun as I had tampering with the mail — hey, it's not like that's a felony or anything, right? Right? — I'd have to say that on the whole, this was a learning experience for me. I now consider myself an expert on Good Charlotte fan mail composition. Read on to find out how you, too, can write a letter that'll bring Benji and Joel Madden to their knees.

Step 1: Be a 15-Year-Old Girl

The vast majority of Good Charlotte fans are young ladies just shy of the tween years. Out of 30some letters, a grand total of one was written by a boy — and nobody admitted to being older than a sophomore in high school. Then again, there are exceptions to this rule, as proven by this amazing letter from Katie in Ohio:

"Dear Good Charlotte, I Love You Joel Madden! You are the only one I think is Hot! Will you marry me? I like SpongeBob. How old are you? I am 9 years old. You are my favorite rock band. Your Girlfriend, Katie. P.S. Write me back BABY!"

Step 2: Be Foreign

Many of the best letters came from outside the U. S. It's difficult to say whether this is because people from other countries are more charming than Americans or because their command of the English language is not always the best.

From Ola and Monika in Poland:

"Good Charlotte is our life and our addiction. We would like to ask you for a photograph with autograph of every member of GC, every one three times... We believe, that you realize our request, because we can't here so things how fans in USA... P.S. Invite to our beautiful country."

From Vanessa in the Phillipines:

"I want to congratulate you guys for the every steps done successfully it was really great! Oh, how I wish you can write me back & can I win your autograph guys? Because I think it was really cool to have it I'm hoping & waiting for that."

From Carmiel in Italy:

"I like you because you have a sweet voice, it moves me, IT COMES IN MY HEART... My biggest wish in the world is to meet you (FOR YOU I COULD GO AT THE CAPE OF THE WORLD) I am jealous of all the girls that are in your video clip."

From a Canadian with questionable sanity:

Step 4: Get Creative

Several other fans also made drawings that proved their love of Good Charlotte. Some were pretty good:

Some were worth a gold star and an extra graham cracker at snack time:

And some were just odd:

Step 5: Make Sure You Know Who You're Writing To

Chances are that Good Charlotte wouldn't have been too thrilled had they ever laid eyes on this letter, which was mixed in with the others:

So what are you waiting for? Go finish up your fan mail masterpiece -= and don't forget to include your email address, address, and phone number, so that Benji, Joel and company can get back to you ASAP. Unless you decide to end your letter the same way Sara from Pennsylvania did:

"Im not gona give you my # b/c all the other fans are like someday call me at 555----! I am not like that."