Dear John,

I know this will be difficult, but our budding relationship has reached a dead end.

When I met you, it was your culinary skills that made you stand out of the crowd who just wanted to make penis jokes. I fell so hard for you.

I felt my heart beating like a percussion quartet when your eyes met mine on a sideways glance. I should have known then...sideways glances never last.

We were so cute together, I'm so sorry it had to end so soon!

But last night, you really lacked control--although those few minutes were quite intense.

Yes, I've met someone else--his gleaming head, fashionable scarves and straightforward talk about Lacan have swept me off of my feet! Lacan!

It's hard for me to say this to someone that I care about so deeply, but I will have to cancel our date for tonight. I can't live a lie any longer.

Best,

Bwog