In which we imitate Monday through Friday: CU, vaguely, is whispered about in the real world.

We found fuel cells.

(Ed.- wrong Columbia)

You found a corporate sponsor.

He found dirty money.

Mom found a "neo-con".

They found a sweet quartet.

Need a finals boost? Be adventurous. Bwog freelancer Armin Rosen explores your options.

If having to wake up at 8:30 in the morning four days a week for the past three months has taught me anything, it's that getting through college is going to require some serious drug abuse. And if this fairly commonsensical realization has taught me anything, it's that drugs are freakin' expensive: a can of Red Bull is a marauding $3.00, while a decent-sized tablet of Adderall sinks me $8-10. Speed, despite its alleged efficacy, is more expensive than both and, it appears, extremely dangerous. Bummer.

I needed options, and found them across the street. With an inventory that boasts everything from beef tripe to squid jerky, M2M is the best place for crazy culinary shit this side of JasMart, and the array of Asian boosters is encouraging. Here's a quick guide to help you navigate.

Ssang Hwa Drink: At $.99, the medicinal-looking Ssang Hwa comes off as a bargain. Its label tags it a "refreshing drink," but a choking whiff of the liquid within proves this to be bullshit. Those depraved individuals who find refreshment in vegemite, wheatgrass shots, Georgi or any combination thereof have reason to rejoice. Those with an overactive gag reflex do not--the unpleasant visceral churn of the Ssang Hwa will have you on the floor in no time. Tasting vaguely like olive juice spiked with Red Bull, and counts such ominously-named plants as Rhemmania root among its active ingredients. And I still fell asleep in the middle of Asian Humanities.

Seeking answers, I showed the bottle to preeminent East Asia scholar William Theodore de Bary, C'41, who identified the bottle's characters as the Koreanization of the names and numerals on the label. However, he said his knowledge of Korea focused on Confucianism and Buddhism, and that he was unfamiliar with "the more ridiculous aspects of the culture." I then turned to Gun Yung Lee, a student in the American Language Program, who immediately recognized Ssang Hwa as a renowned herbal remedy used to fight fatigue or mild illness. Apparently Ssang Hwa is about popular as Coca Cola--those especially weak in body or spirit will drink between three and five Ssang Hwa-hot water mixtures in a single day.

Bottom line: Frat pledges, if you're ever forced to drink this stuff, it's hazing, plain and simple. Also the "refreshing drink" tag vindicates the cultural relativists out there.

Last night, the Columbia Republicans and Democrats met in Hamilton for a debate on energy policy. Karen Leung has this piquant dispatch (all opinions are her own--read Spec for the bland version).

The best moments of political analysis at last night's energy policy debate came from Tedde Tsang, who spoke to no one. Tsang, three rows from the back, laughed quietly to himself whenever either side made a verbal screw-up. He sometimes made the effort to hoot.

At the front, Evan Thomas, CC '08, and Dan Amrhein, CC '09, spoke for the Dems. In their opening remarks, they attacked increasing oil dependency and lack of research funding for alternative energy under the Bush administration - their strongest points. They were supported by Thomas's very active eyebrows.

The Republicans' Tao Tan, CC '07, and Dana Newborn, CC '09, were forced to defend Bush's track record. Or rather, Tan mostly left Newborn to the (difficult) task. The Energy Policy Act of 2005 was her crutch, and both argued for private innovation as an alternative to state policy as a solution for oil dependency.

But the crowd, mostly Dems, wasn't there for policy analysis. They wanted rhetorical piss and vinegar. One softball to their team - "Is the Bush administration doing enough to counter global warming?" - got a good half-minute of laughter. While substantive arguments were sometimes alluded to - props to Newborn and Amrhein for being the most effective on this - the real focus of the evening was on Thomas's talking points and verbal barbs, and on Tan's strange, just strange, outbursts.