The NFL, it seems, knows something about Columbia football that the rest of us don't. Despite Bwog's (and most everyone else's) expectations of our football program, our varsity quarterback has proved himself worthy of the majors. Senior Craig Hormann has been signed to the Cincinnati Bengals Cleveland Browns. Though he went unpicked in the draft, Hormann will don a new wild cat jersey in the fall. Congratulations to Craig!

Commentors are invited to explain this whole football thing to Bwog. How is one signed after the draft ends? How is one signed after leading one's team to a record of 1 win and 9 losses?

Fooled you. Our boys actually went down 27-10 at their opening game against Fordham this evening, in a predictable start to what Bwog holds out hope will be a less predictable year. But it was a lovely night, and fun was had by all (who weren't on the field).

Perhaps more of interest--Coach Norries Wilson had some air time this morning on WFAN, the sports network that primarily deals with the New York Mets, New York Giants, New Jersey Devils, and the New Jersey Nets. It was a coup for humble Columbia, and the hosts didn't let Norries forget it, treating the school more like a charming anachronism than a sporting entity.

"I never think of Columbia winning games," one said, dredging up the 44-game losing streak, the 46-year Ivies dry spell, the fact that the team has broken .500 only a few times in the last few decades.

Norries held up well under the ribbing.

"It's harder than I anticipated it being, but we've done a great job putting the kids in a position to understand what they need to do to really have a chance to win," he said. "And the administration here has stepped up and started to give things to the program that I think we need to be successful."

Things...like talent?

The 2006-07 school year has contained multitudes. In fact, it may just be the most eventful year Columbia's had since... well, the year before. Remember Matthew Fox? The Chung-Diamond "scandal"? "Don't Be a Pussy"? "Epilogue to Our Crime & Punishment: A Petition"? Bwog certainly does, so step into the Wayback machine - you're about to relive nine months of Columbia in a single post.

August

First-years move in. Orientation yields a legendary (to Bwog's mind, at least) week-long burst of posting. Addison Anderson went to a bunch of bars in the name of "journalism." Most literary post: "And now for some disorientation," which reads like early Bret Easton Ellis, if he knew about Koronet's. Orientation week was the best.

September

Facebook went literally insane. Then calmed down somewhat. Harvard abandoned ED; Columbia did not. Columbia Football had as-yet uncrushed high hopes, later crushed. Seth Flaxman declared victory. Best villains: Zuckerberg! Murphy! Ahmadinejad! You know, one of those.

October

Everything was coming up roses for Mark Modesitt. 1968 spirit was invoked by Jim Gilchrist. The fallout was immense - shady disciplinary letters, "news" coverage of all sorts (Jon Stewart, Fox News). Even Bwog had an opinion. But October wasn't all about relevant television coverage of Columbia issues with high production values - we also had "The Gates"!
Best correspondence to Bwog: "Subject: terrorists. your worse then the mooselums who flew the planes into the buildings"

One of our more distinguished alumni (excerpted):

"I'm a liar and a cheat and a thief and the ultimate manipulator. ... I tell lies every day, man," the 40-year-old actor says in the February issue of Men's Journal magazine. "And when I say I'm phenomenally manipulative, I am."

Fox, who is now starring opposite Matthew McConaughey in We Are Marshall, a Warner Bros. Pictures release, says he "can be unapologetically vicious" and is "absolutely an instigator."

"I really enjoy social boozing, and what I enjoy about it is when people I know and care about say and do things they normally wouldn't say or do," he tells the magazine. "To make that happen I'll instigate anything."

"As for the skinny-dipping, when I was a kid there wasn't a huge delineation in our family between having clothes on or not having clothes on," he says.

"And the reason I have so much fun doing it now is people are so shocked by it, and, like, 'Oh, my God, Fox just took his clothes off!' But, I mean, just how long ago was it that we were all wandering around in loincloths?"

...was everyone else remotely affiliated with Columbia busy on May 15th? Why is this man speaking at Class Day? Something must be done...

In which CML recapitulates this weekend's football game, and shares the lesson of promising mediocrity.

Early this Saturday morning, the Columbia football team arrived in scenic Providence, Rhode Island for their final game of the season. They were greeted by a jolly bear reminiscent of the old Smoky ad campaigns, a large cadre of stoners bedecked in outdoorsy brown-and-red uniforms that called themselves the Brown Band, and a small, slightly dilapidated stadium that exuded a bucolic and woodsy charm. In short, it felt like summer camp.

Two hours later, the beginning of the contest was consummated, the parents drove off, and the Lions found themselves in terra incognita, with hardly a friend or familiar soul around (besides a few hundred fans).

Homesickness. The natural response to the Lions' loneliness was for them to withdraw further into themselves, and withdraw they did. While the offense participated in camp activities unenthusiastically, cobbling together an uninspired string of three-and-outs, the defense didn't show up at all, instead languishing inside the cabin as Brown marched to two quick and uncontested touchdowns.

Bill Pennington, author of an article in today's Times, meditates on what many-an-Ivy Leaguer has meditated: just what is the purpose of pursuing a successful football program at a school known for its academic caliber? Are the two ends of academic excellence and athletic triumph mutually exclusive?

(Perhaps: he notes that Duke, Northwestern, and Stanford, top schools with strong football programs, all have pretty shitty records)

The Columbia squad might be proud.

Recapitulation of this weekend's football success by CML:

Thousands of fans from both Columbia and Cornell converged upon Baker Field today, each to witness firsthand the contest that would determine the best Ivy League football team in New York — and whether Columbia, after two years, would finally notch a conference win. The sun shone high above the somewhat seedy tenements that comprise the stadium's environs, and the trees in Inwood Hill Park had turned pretty shades of green, orange, and red. The tranquil weather and natural beauty were to be the perfect ironic contrast to the slaughter that was about to occur, or so I thought.

What ensued was a series of incredible events, each more improbable than the last. First, the Lions didn't fumble the kickoff. Next, they made a first down. Then they made another one, and yet another, sprinkling a few effective running plays amongst much improved passing game. The drive — certainly the offense's best all season — culminated in a one-yard touchdown run. A few minutes later, the Cornell quarterback threw an interception, which the defense returned for a touchdown. And just like that, the Lions were up 14-0.

Tel Aviv taps Zvi...

...After mysterious disappearance of CB...

...While Republicans shed party loyalty

Take Back the Night hands out "pens, highlighters, chapstick, lollipops" at 1020, patrons confused

Play includes "chicken farming", "a fringed belt assembled from a shredded copy of the Columbia Daily Spectator", "a Bible-quoting triple-murderer turned pizza boy", "freedom"

Spec serials continue their march toward the inevitable Pulitzer: "You must bless the round before you pound"

Miriam explores, vicariously, the world of the "spank-ee," who offers up "ass and self"

Bwog football correspondent CML recounts the Lions' loss to Dartmouth.

The defining question for this Saturday's contest between Columbia and Dartmouth wasn't who was in the gutter -- both teams were tied for last place in the Ivy League at 0-2 -- but who was looking at the stars. When the pigskin first left the foot of the Big Green's kicker and arced through the brisk October air, it became obvious that it was the Lions. The skyward-gazing kickoff returner was wrenched back to painful reality as the ball glanced off his unsuspecting body, and though Columbia retained possession, the infamous offense fumbled on the first play of the drive, this time relinquishing control deep in its own territory (and establishing a record for the ratio of fumbles to plays). Dartmouth, whose focus was evidently more terrestrial, nimbly picked the Lions' defense apart with adroitness, perhaps uncharacteristic of perpetual inebriates to notch a touchdown and field goal in quick succession. The offense puttered around the line of scrimmage myopically, the Big Green scored another touchdown to extend its lead to 17, and the Lions found themselves thrown from the gutter into a spiraling abyss of futility.

I. ALLEGRO FURIOSO. "I can't talk about that, but I can talk about the fact that the only person here that treats us with a modicum of respect is [Penn] Coach [Al] Bagnoli. I say that because there are assistant coaches who say to their recruits, 'Don't go to Columbia, because it's a bad school.'...I say that because there are administrators at the University of Pennsylvania...that tell our kids that they go to a JV school...so he's [Bagnoli's] the only one that treats us with any respect."

II. ADAGIO LAMENTOSO. "A lot of people are happy that Columbia loses...but if you hand it to Penn, none of you could drop a coverage or a front. So I'm tired of hearing about it! If you want to coach them, come coach them if you know so much about football." (Bwog thinks a good start would be getting a quarterback who can complete forward passes.)

III. SCHERZO: ALLEGRETTO CON FUOCO. "They [the team] works their butts off every week, and all people do is put 'em down...They're gonna win games. They got no choice but to win games." (Here Bwog disagrees, as it's impossible to win games with a score of zero.)

Bwog football correspondent CML reports on the Lions' dismal loss to Penn, of all places.

This last Saturday, among the verdant foliage, obtrusive infrastructure, and thoughtless mélange of architectural styles that defines University City, Philadelphia, PA, an epic gridiron confrontation took place. Coming off a 24-0 blowout of the enigmatic yet pitiable Iona, Columbia looked to knock off a decent opponent while notching its first Ivy win of the season. Facing them, a Quakers team seeking to improve its conference record to 2-0, and impress the parents in town for the annual UPenn family weekend.

The game started on an auspicious note for the Lions, who received the kickoff flawlessly and proceeded to obtain two first downs in quick succession. But the usually moribund offense soon found itself facing a fourth down situation on the Penn 34-yard line — too close to the end-zone to punt, and too far to kick a field goal with significant chance of success. The Quakers' defense stuffed the conversion attempt, and the Penn offense took over. The Lions' defense held, but after the offense busted out what has become its signature move — the three-and-out — the Quakers were able to advance up the field far enough to kick a field goal, putting the score at 3-0.

Lydia DePillis and Christopher Morris-Lent report on today's Homecoming game. Special thanks to Charles Clavey for his photos.

It is generally true that suburban high schools are much better at football than their urban counterparts. If we extrapolate this axiom and apply it to this afternoon's contest between Princeton and Columbia, then the unhappy outcome should come as no surprise.

Throughout the first half, a succession of three-and-outs characterized Columbia's moribund offense, and though the defense stalwartly stifled Princeton time and time again, Princeton was eventually able to poke the football past the line and into the end-zone. Columbia's offense responded by once again failing to gain a first down, and the defense surrendered another quick touchdown to put the score at 14-0.

Continued after the jump!

In which Bwog football correspondent Christopher "CML" Morris-Lent returns to document the unlikely triumphs of Columbia's pigskin throwers.

This afternoon featured yet another Columbia home football game at Baker Field, this time against Georgetown. The Lions sought to improve their record to 2-0 and thus keep their win/loss ratio at the exorbitant figure of infinity. For their part, the Hoyas arrived in Inwood looking to right themselves after last week's loss to Brown, and to restore some dignity and honor to the Church after the Lions mauled crosstown rival Fordham 37-7 last week.

For the first 35 minutes, it looked as if another blowout of the Jesuits was inevitable. The Lions didn't play exceptionally well on offense, but they did manage to capitalize on three Georgetown turnovers in the first half, which respectively resulted in a touchdown, a field goal, and a touchdown. Plagued by a stagnant offense and precarious ballhandling, the Hoyas more or less failed to do anything constructive, as was reflected by the halftime score of 17-0.

Yesterday, the Lions played a football game. Freshman CUMB member Christopher Morris-Lent weighs in.

The hiring of head football coach Norries Wilson was accompanied by much fanfare and high hopes for the future of the historically futile Columbia football team, which had won its first two games in 2005 and proceeded to lose a nice eight straight contests. Yesterday, fans were given their first opportunity to see the new and improved squad in action.