At this time of year, newness comes in all forms, from the obvious (your new dorm, your new classes, your new books, your new backpack) to the unanticipated (your replacement macBook charger, your subscription to Netflix to replace Kim's.) And while the novelty of these items is, well, novel, the polish of your purchases and the glow of your post-consumption satisfaction wears off as soon as your credit card bill comes at the end of the month.

In addition, New York City is notoriously pricey, your Morningside Heights being no exception. So when it comes to the question of making the most of their money, our heady first-years are pretty hard-pressed.

Payscale.com has just released a ranking of the best Ivy League Schools in terms of post-Bachelors salaries. Let's see how Columbia stacked up. Why look, it's last, dead last. Topping the list is Dartmouth (fraternities), followed by Princeton (eating clubs) and Yale (collective ennui?).

As one Bwog staffer points out: "This says a lot more about the profile of students who go to these schools than how much the schools help them.

People like me who aren't going to make a lot of money are gonna drag the average down even though people from Columbia can still make that cash if they go into a profitable field."

See how SEAS and Barnard stack up after the jump.

If you've been a little sour on dear Alma Mater lately, an anonymous Bwog informant has just stumbled upon something to restore your faith in your degree and your Columbia.

This gal's a CU grad -- just like many of you! (Go Lions!) She majored in Anthropology. And also like many of you, she loves to just gab away on the telephone, except her telephone conversations are infinitely more lucrative and sexy (?) than yours:

"Men call me for an infinity of reasons. Of course, they call to masturbate. I call it 'Executive Stress Relief.' It's not sex; it's a cocktail of testosterone, fueled by addiction to pornography, loneliness, and the need to hear a woman's voice."

See? Plus, there's hope for those of you questioning the worth of your English/Anthro/Philosophy/Comp. Lit. degree:

"I make twice the money I made in the corporate world. I work from home, the money transfers into my bank account daily. I'm Scheherezade: If I don't tell stories that fascinate the Pasha, he will kill me in the morning."

Ha! Hear that econ. majors? Twice the money and 100% more phone sex.

ABC has just released a spreadsheet of 2008-2009's club allocations. (As you might remember, ABC released their 2007-2008 allocations/debt spreadsheet in February, prompting SGB to do the same and creating a minor brouhaha in the process.) So onto the compare-contrast:

The most noticeable budgetary increase is that of Bacchanal and Special Events, which received just $18,000 in initial allocations for 2007-2008 but this year was awarded an envious $75,739. (Here's hoping -- er, demanding? -- tickets for next Spring Concert will be free.) Most groups, including the Black Students Organization ($6,229), the Blue and White ($12,075), Helvidius ($5,500) Clefthangers ($1,115), and The Fed ($4,075), among others, received similar allocations to those of last year.

The Society of Automotive Engineers' allocation shrank from $8,669 to $7,997 -- maybe ABC wasn't as impressed with their homemade car as Bwog was? Philo saw an increase of about $300, up to $1,875 from last year's $1,510. Varsity Show's budget remains a mystery shrouded in an enigma, as do those of heritage months.

For your own investigative purposes, last year's allocations are here and this year's are here. (Though keep in mind, many of the clubs are recognized by both ABC and SGA and receive dual funding.) And for all the ABC news and updates you'd ever want, visit their new-ish blog.

Tipster and burrito-enthusiast Eugene Shapsyuk alerts Bwog to some unfortunate price-raising at Chipotle:

"I thought it'd be worth reporting as an FYI that Chipotle raised their prices. Price of a Burrito with guac is now $10.34 up from $9.25 I think. Guac's 10 cent's more and a Burrito is $7.61 up from I think $6.95. It might not seem like much, but it'll add up for those of us that go there at least a few times a week."

Sadly, we April Fools you not.

Spec Food Editor/Bwog tipster Shane Ferro posits that the rise in Chipotle prices could be related to activity in the international avocado market, where grain prices have soared due to a drought in Australia. Likewise, the price rise could also be explained by a shift on American farms from corn to soybean production. Foreshadows Ferro: "Expect to pay about twice as much for a bagel soon, as well."

About two hours ago, members of the Barnard community received an email detailing the chilling aftermath of a not-really-successful mail fraud scheme. Apparently, one Barnard student became quasi-entangled in a web of money laundering and stolen identities after trying to sell some text books. The email reads:

"On 2/28/2008, a Barnard College student reported that she had used a Web Site to sell her textbooks. She was contacted and negotiated a price, $100.00, for the books and requested that the monies be sent to her mailbox at the College. She received two checks: one for $1900.00 and another for $2500.00. She began receiving emails and text messages to cash the checks and to keep $300.00 for her trouble; she was instructed to send the remaining monies to the purchaser via Western Union."

Apparently the fraudulent check will bounce, but the money in the wire transfer will still go through. Or something. Which is somehow bad? (The intricacies of law enforcement elude us.) Also maybe the pseudo textbook purchaser could have stolen her identity. But probably not.

Indeed, a frightening could-be cautionary tale.

Congratulations to Vikram Pandit, who is about to go from exceedingly loaded to unbelievably loaded. Pandit is a triple Columbia alumnus, having earned both bachelor's and master's degrees in electrical engineering in the 70s before selling out to get a PhD in finance in 1986. Yesterday, he was named CEO of Citigroup, a company worth approximately a shitmegaton of cash. Earlier this year Pandit sold Citigroup a hedge fund, Old Lane Partners, for a cool $800 million; now he is once again is in control of his old company, along with a laundry list of unbelievably huge assets including the bank inside Lerner. And he's still on Columbia's Board of Trustees. Tao Tan has a long way to go.

In other news, Harvard is making sure the fairly well-off can keep up with the truly moneyed. For families making between $120,000 and $180,000, costs will be hewed in twain! Other "elite institutions" are expected to jump on the bandwagon. Will Columbia put its money where its mouth is?

Whether or not it does, you can still pretend to be elite on New Year's eve. The Columbia Club is offering tickets to a veritable swankfest at the classy Opus 22 lounge downtown. According to Newsday, it's where to go if you're looking for "smart, young energy," and for only $135 a ticket if you buy by Friday, it's practically a steal. Alumni from Yale, Cornell, Princeton, Penn, and Brown will also be there, so you can get your inter-Ivy network on along with your party.

AskBwog: Special Double Useful Question Edition

The first of this week's questions comes from Bwogger Maryam Parhizkar who wants to know where she can convert her loose change into dolla dolla bills, yall.

The Bank of America on 107th and Broadway has change-converter machines that are free for anyone to use, regardless of whether they have an account at Bank of America. Although, one should expect the machine to take a commission.


The second question comes from an anonymous student who wants to know if he can add Flex Points and Dining Dollars online. "Who wants to wait in line at Kent and Hartley?" Who indeed.

Well, yes and no. Luckily for Anonymous Columbia Student, both Flex Points and Dining Dollars can be added on the SSOL website. (Bwog has added Flex Points in celebration of the new Crumbs cupcakes at Ferris.) Log onto your SSOL account on go to Dining Services. It's as easy as entering your credit card (or your parents' credit card) number.

Unfortunately, Columbia Dining Services does not have access to the accounts of Barnard, Teacher's College, or JTS students' accounts, thus system is unable to allow them to add Flex/Dollars online. These students, can of course, purchase Flex or Dining Dollars, but hanging out in Hartley at Dining Services is a steep price to pay for a Crumbs cupcake.

AskBwog thanks Columbia Dining Services, SSOL, and bank-savvy Paul Barndt.

• Robert Kraft, alumnus and New England Patriots owner extraordinaire, just donated a crapload of money to Columbia Athletics ($5 million, to be exact). Consequentially, Lawrence A. Wein Stadium has become the Stadium Formerly Known as Wein, AKA, Robert K. Kraft Field.

• Apparently another noose was found on a lamppost outside a ground zero post office yesterday afternoon. Indeed, no words can probably describe our reaction to this better than "WTF?"
  
  
• In case you were wondering on how much Professor Hamid Dabashi had to say on the Ahmadinejad/Bollinger face-off, he's got a recent lengthy response to the incident in a Cairo publication. To cut it short: he's not happy, and he mentions Rudyard Kipling.
  
  
• Former J-School visiting professor/VP Al Gore has been announced as co-winner of the Nobel Peace Prize (alongside the IPCC) for his fight with global warming. It's kind of surreal, actually.

Over the summer, an anonymous tipster noticed that the Columbia homepage had added a "Giving" button. Poking around further, the same source found the University's gift guide, in which everything has a price.

• The Arts Initiative is looking for between $225-670,000 for a "unified University Box Office" in Lerner with online ticketing. Finally?

• Putting on the annual orientation arts party will only cost you $50,000

• Endowing a head coach: $2,000,000

• Endowing M. Diane Murphy: $5,000,000

• Endowing a professor (with matching funds from Trustee Gerry Lenfest): $1,500,000

• Schermerhorn Hall was built with a $500,000 gift. Today $500,000 will only get you a room in Hamilton.
  

• For only $10,000 you can change the life of a starving college student today! Think of the hipsters, please. The student will send black and white pictures and letters hand written in crayon.

In which Bwog freelancer Zack Hoopes infiltrates the world of I-banking infosessions.

"THIS is where you need to be. This IS where you need to be. This is where YOU need to be." The JP Morgan interns on the TV screen said this phrase to me, over and over again, in every conceivable form of emphasis. The jock, the foreign kid, and even the token hot chick wanted me to don a tasteful pantsuit and come with them on a magical journey of investing, trading, and general money-finagling. And why not? "Whatever got you into Columbia, that's all the talent you'll need for a career here at JP Morgan," said the man at the podium. "JP Morgan and Columbia have had a long and valuable relationship." Which is probably what his second wife said to him before she took half of his shit and moved to LA.

I have always wondered what being an i-banker (a term which I've been told is distasteful to those in the profession, but will be used here for convenience) would be like. There seem to be two general views on the subject: one, that i-banking is a golden opportunity to advance into the global economy of the future; and two, that it's a loathsome and degenerate profession that profits from the injustice of capitalism. At Columbia, I've seen many preach the latter but act the former. In my more philosophical moments, it seems like our simultaneous appreciation and repulsion of Wall Street captures the disillusionment of a generation, born into a world where the idea of freedom has been commercialized and commodified.

A Bwog Contest!

The student able to create the best Lolprof, Lolbollinger, Lolhavel, or Lolmatthewcfox (or any other variation) will win $20 to Chipoltle!

(For those of you unfamiliar with Lolcats, this Slate tutorial is a must-read.)

Send submissions to bwgossip@columbia.edu before September 4th at midnight.

Sometimes, for the broke college student, whoring yourself out to paid psychology experiments just doesn't cut it. To offer some assistance in your job search, we bring you dispatches from five students who tell all about their various engagements in the world of campus employment, work-study and beyond. Compiled by Maryam Parhizkar.

The Library Assistant

Perhaps you've heard about hipster librarians, i.e. the charming types with quiet smiles and no hips who listen to The Hold Steady. These people do not work in Columbia's libraries. Most of them work in Butler's basement—the mothership of the libraries—where they rarely see the light of day and physically and mentally reflect the lack of Vitamin D. My boss, though quite kind, could rarely breathe normal air, wore wrist braces, and spelled words with LittlE oR No ReGarD for CaSe.

Quirks aside—or perhaps, quirks included—it's not a bad job, especially if you prefer books to people. Unless you wo/man one of the circulation desks, you could spend your days shelving books, barcoding books, or doing countless other activities with books. The merits: you can listen to music, though for long stretches, audiobooks and podcasts are key; there is little oversight; you don't have to interact with people (have I emphasized that enough?). Downfalls: old books are about as clean and nice-smelling as old people, and there are lots of them; books will occasionally fall on your head and bruise you; the lights turn off every 15 minutes. This isn't just an inconvenience to those of us who believe murderers wait for the end of those 15 minutes. Words of wisdom: do not work in the math library.

The Note-Taker

About once every year or so, if you're lucky, you'll find in your inbox and email from Columbia's Office of Disability Services advertising the need for a note-taker in one of your classes for an anonymous student whose disability prevents him or her from taking notes. Or maybe your professor will make an announcement to the same effect. The first student who shows up to the ODS with a sample of thorough, organized class notes will get the job, which pays a total of $350 a semester to undergraduates and $400 to graduate students.

This is one of a few ways to make money at Columbia that doesn't require work-study status, or any extra time beyond what it takes to email ODS your notes every week. Typically students pounce on these opportunities like feral cats, so as soon as you receive the email announcement, reply to ODS with message saying you're interested and high-tail it over to the eighth floor of Lerner with a copy of your most responsible class notes (preferably notes you've already taken for the class, if the semester is already underway). ODS may take a few days to consider which applicant's notes best suit the needs of the anonymous student, whose name is never released — not even to the note-taker.

I've taken advantage of this opportunity twice, once in a science lecture and once in a literature lecture. Knowing I was responsible to someone else for what I wrote forced me to take thorough notes for every class meeting, and which made writing papers a lot easier than it would have been had I filled my notebook with the usual illegible scribble. And the best part was getting paid a few hundred dollars for something I should have been doing for free.

A sharp-eyed tipster wrote in to let us know that the Columbia home page just gained a button, right below the events calendar: "Giving to Columbia." It's a snazzy site--Provost Brinkley, whose homepage doesn't seem to have been updated much in 11 years, would be jealous.

It may even be better than those of Brown and Dartmouth, which are the only other Ivies to have found it necessary to, er, wear their need on their sleeves. They're also the at the bottom of the Ivy League endowment barrel, with $2.3 and $3.5 billion each. Strangely, Dartmouth boasts the second highest alumni giving rate of the great eight, coming in behind Princeton at 50%. According to US News and World Report, Columbia and Cornell come in dead last on that one (35%).

So...Barack must have learned it somewhere else?

- LBD