Akon has two new singles out and three still on the charts. Bwog music critic Bryan Mochizuki asks what, exactly, he's giving us.

I wrote a much longer piece for this week on Akon, Einstein, populism, and "Smack That." But it topped out at like 1,754 words, which I think is around 1,752 more than anyone else cares about the topic. Here's the gist: if you're passing up on Akon because you can't stand "Smack That" or "I Wanna Fuck You," understand that's not really Akon. It's an imbecilic, over-sexed distillation that's entirely contrary to his true nature. The only similarity is that both Akon and Bizarro are catchy as fuck—fine for filling MTV troughs, but there's not much to them besides the catchiness.

Take a pretty archetypal radio jam — Beyonce's "Irreplacable." Hate it or love it, you know (or you think you know) a hell of a lot about Beyonce after just three-and-a-half minutes. "Smack That"? Not really happening. I can't know for sure, but I'm 99% positive that Akon did this on purpose, especially considering the agency that comes with owning his label and being his own go-to songwriter and producer. He knew collaborations with Snoop and Eminem would guarantee him mad sales. And he knew if he made these songs clownish, atypical, and bereft enough, not only would they not reflect badly on the rest of the album, they'd make his typical swagger look extraordinary...

"Don't Matter" - Akon

So now his third single is "Don't Matter," a goofily saccharine "us against the world" ditty that tingles with old-school vibe. On the heels of "I Wanna Fuck You," it sounds like the most sincere shit ever written. The juxtaposition takes it from an "aww" track to "that's fucking ADORABLE and I don't even use that word!" And consequently, the super chintzy video doesn't seem chintzy whatsoever. Akon? More like A-MERLIN son! I'm making bad jokes and it seems entirely ok because I'm listening to "Don't Matter." This song is not that good. But it is.

Timbaland drops a new album on April 3rd but it's already everywhere on the interwebs. Bwog music critic Bryan Mochizuki takes a look at the producer's approach and offers up an early pick for single of the year.

Last November, Timbaland told an interviewer, "I changed the sound of radio at least four times." This statement is correct, but it's also highly problematic. When Timbaland changed the sound of radio the first four times he did so because he wanted to make cool sounding shit (see: Aaliyah's "Are You That Somebody"). But now the inverse seems true — he makes cool shit for the purpose of changing the sound of radio. Read any Timbaland interview in the last year and you'll find him saying things like "My mission is to take over top-40 radio," or "Somebody's gotta break the box, bust it open."

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. If Timbaland wants to raise the bar on music across the board, that's all well and good. He's done a flawless job so far — the ingenuity of "My Love" and "Promiscuous" needs no justification. But his quest to try to do something to pop music - as opposed to merely making something great within it — looks to ramp up a few levels with his forthcoming album, Shock Value (video sampler here / audio sampler here).

This is where things get sticky. The first dozen or so tracks are exactly what one might expect, if not some more idealized version of it — collaborations with JT, 50 Cent, Nelly Furtado, Missy Elliot, and Timbo's own stable of artists. The last five, however, form the collective curveball, as Timbo gets cozy with The Hives, Fall Out Boy, rock-y groups She Wants Revenge and One Republic, and Sir Elton "Your Song" John.

In which Bwog music critic Bryan Mochizuki programs your Friday, Sunday, and Monday nights.

There are at least two really great shows in the city this weekend and two equally shiver-inducing MP3's to share today, but first...THE OSCARS ARE THIS SUNDAY. Among the reasons to be excited: this year's Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Ennio Morricone, the composer on A Fistful Of Dollars, Once Upon A Time In The West, and 504 other films/shows. Bank on this as THE highlight reel of the evening: the final showdown in West, the first time you hear the classic "do-ee-oo-ee-oo" theme in Good/Bad/Ugly, any scene from Bulworth, you get the picture. For the show, Celine Dion's singing. Not mad, although I'd have preferred Warren Beatty. Anywho, on Sunday check in for that liveblog action that you've been missing from your life. But enough talk...

"Apocalypse" — Vietnam

Vietnam's a rock band from Brooklyn. Make or break, right? Like either "oh Jesus give that Brooklyn here!" or "play Clap Your Hands again. I dare you." The thing is: a. they're originally from Austin, which makes sense considering the healthy dose of twang that pops up in their riffs. And b. there aren't many Brooklyn bands that give people this much nostalgia for electric Dylan and Loaded-era Velvet Underground. These dudes hit those nails on their respective heads, but only enough to tease you into keep listening. It's like if Marisa Miller were to do a classic Farrah Fawcett pose — yeah, she's jacking a bit, but it also shows that she can play on that level. "Apocalypse" is the most dynamic song on their debut album, which came out in January. They'll be playing it tonight at Southpaw in Brooklyn. Get tickets here.

In which Bwog music critic Bryan Mochizuki forgives the Shins their trespasses and disses the music blogosphere...oh wait...

"Phantom Limb" — The Shins

Depending on whom you talk to, the new Shins album is either lethargic and dull or some more euphemistic variation on those words. Except for this song. This is THE SHINS. This that Zach Braff shit. If you listen closely, you can actually hear the A+R guy yelling "I smell money! It smells like money!" What's strange is that there aren't more of these "New 'New Slang'" sorts of songs on this album — at least "Phantom Limb" has a chorus/is compelling. Apparently James Mercer was cool with doing three-minute pop songs when he was 35, but now that he's joined the big 36 mafia, he aspires to be a more wizened, mature dude singing in quasi-falsetto?

"80's Life" — The Good, The Bad, and The Queen

Before YouTubing them, I didn't really get GB&Q, Damon Albarn's new side project. On record, the music is maddeningly minimalist and yet puffed up by Dangermouse's obnoxiously over-mixed production. It seems pointless, too, to have so much talent — the bassist from The Clash, the guitarist from The Verve, and Tony-"Oh shit, really?"-Allen — and to let Dangermouse either bury it or reduce it to what might as well be a $10 loop from a session player. Sure, it's clearly not a solo record, but then again, its hard to really give anyone daps on this one except for Albarn. Oh yeah — almost forgot - Dangermouse's mix sucks.

Bwog music critic Bryan Mochizuki would really like to have a mixtape review for you this week. Unfortunately, this happened two nights ago, and since Drama is the biggest DJ in the game, everyone is clamming up. www.datpiff.com, the site that streams them for free, didn't stream anything yesterday, and all of the places to buy them, online and up on 125th st. closed up shop. So as much as he'd like to talk about some of the awesome tapes that came out in the last few weeks, there's no way for you to buy or listen to them at the moment. Meanwhile, the biggest CD out this week is Kylie Minogue live, until Damon Albarn and the Shins drop next Tuesday. See you then!

In which Bwog Music Critic Bryan Mochizuki reads the Grammy Noms, witholds a Corinne Bailey Rae tirade, and gets down to business with this week's new MP3's.

The Grammy nominees were announced yesterday, and they're worse than usual. Like a lot of people, I watch the Grammys because I want to believe in them — I know that 80 percent of the nominees shouldn't be there, but that there's usually one who should, and who would probably win against any pool. For example, "What You Know" is in the Best Solo Rap category against two mediocre radio smashes: one obscure Mos Def song, and Lupe's "Kick, Push," a very good song, but without a chance against"What You Know" or any of the other big singles out of the South this year. So I'll watch, but only with the hope that "What You Know" wins and the Grammys somehow find a way to select the best rap single of the year. Also, in this case it'll be great because when "What You Know" DOES win and they play DJ Toomp's still-mind-numbing beat, they're gonna have a shot of Yung Joc going ape-shit in the crowd.

On that note...

"I Got Money" — Young Jeezy ft. T.I. (Produced by DJ Toomp)

This beat doesn't hit with the same immediacy as "What You Know," but Toomp still goes jugular-hunting with the guitar on the chorus. The Inspiration's shaping up as the underdog best rap album of the fourth quarter. Jeezy's still not Atlanta's Walt Whitman, nor does he try to be — he sticks to whip-appeal beats and short verses to showcase his strengths (presence, charisma, rhyming things with "Louis"). So while every other big release of the season seems to be overthinking itself (see: Kingdom Come), everything that's leaked off The Inspiration is pure entertainment. And what about that T.I.? Is he not leading the stats of the National Rap League? Best selling album of the year — check. Dopest cross-over EVER — check. Plus he's going all Norah Jones '03 on the awards shows and he's decided to start coming hard again after a temporary reprieve on King. I just submitted this photo of him for the Time Person of the Year billboard, I suggest you do the same. It's a movement people.