Because there's nothing Bwog likes more than teasing its viewers, we bring you another taste of the upcoming Orientation issue of The Blue and White -- it hits your doorstep or dorm lobby tomorrow!

Helfand's Index
By David J. Helfand

The June Harper's Index, that essential compendium of facts masquerading as social commentary, cited the "ratio of negative portrayals of teachers on U.S. children's television programs to positive portrayals" as 3:1. I will refrain from speculating on the ratio with which you will portray your professors after four years at Columbia. I also won't reveal how your professors will rate you. But I was asked by the editors to provide a "Helfand's Index" of highly pertinent facts to get you started in Frontiers of Science. All them pass Stephen Colbert's truthiness test.

Percentage of the greenhouse gas emissions for the entire country of New Zealand that are produce by the burps and farts of cows and sheep: 40%

End-to-end length of all the DNA in all the viruses on Earth: 275 million light years (one light year is 6 trillion miles).

End-to-end length of all human DNA: 18 million km (or 0.000002 light years)—so who's in charge here?