Ostensibly, Oscar night is about rewarding "great" cinema (like the Oscar-nominated Norbit, for instance), but let's be honest: the only real reason to watch the show is to see what everyone is wearing. Then again, you can always just skip the ceremony and peruse the reviews written by those poor souls who actually slogged through all the bombast. In the spirit of rehashing Hollywood's most masturbatory night, a look at the Five Best and Five Worst Dressed at the show. Let's play Joan Rivers!

Hey, remember the Oscars? They happened last year? They might get cancelled? Sometimes women win them by pretending to be ugly, even if they aren't ugly, and sometimes if they are? Well, the nominations came out today (surprise! No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood led the tally) and Bwog awards show correspondent Daniel D'Addario puts on his best Mary Hart to tell you that there will indeed be blood - and Oscars! First up: the acting categories.

Best Actor
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd
Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises

Will Win: While I'm glad that Oscar voters looked past the general hackiness of Paul Haggis's film to see Jones's great and dignified performance, this is Daniel Day-Lewis's to lose. His delivery of the line "I drink your milkshake!" alone would have earned him a SAG Award.

Should Win: I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!

Robbed: This category seems pretty solid - although I haven't seen, and will not likely see, Sweeney Todd, and think that George Clooney has gone from being an affable, good-looking guy to an awards-season threat that must be contained (fuddy-dud Michael Clayton for seven nominations - really?!). If I had to toss another nominee on the pile, I'd take out Clooney and nominate Emile Hirsch for his nature-obsessed, Thoreau-spouting man-child whose glaring immaturity provides Into the Wild with a welcome dose of moral ambiguity (seemingly against the director's will, making Hirsch's performance a masterful act of subversion). Or perhaps Javier Bardem, who was nominated for supporting but played the lead role as a superhuman killer in No Country for Old Men. Especially on the men's side, 2007 was nothing if not a year of obsessions.

As Rush Hour 3 and Stardust and the like trudge turgidly out of theaters, autumn brings a breath of fresh air. Fresh, Oscar-baity air. Bwog cineastes Daniel D'Addario, Jamie Johns, and Christian Kamongi are here to help you say yes to Coens, Cronenberg, and Clayton, and no to Alvin and the Chipmunks.

September

The Brave One (September 14): When I first heard about The Brave One, I assumed it was a sequel to The Accused, Jodie Foster's first film about a rape victim out for revenge. If Jodie Foster and Neil Jordan want to actually redeem their careers after the duds that were Flightplan and pretty much everything Neil Jordan has directed since The Crying Game, it's going to have to be a lot more than that. I'm hoping that it actually is a provocative look at one woman's struggle to overcome the shock of sexual assault through violence, as the trailers have been telling me it will be. -Jamie Johns

Eastern Promises (September 14): David Cronenberg has been described as North America's foremost narrative filmmaker and if his newest feature is even half as explosive and revelatory as his previous masterpiece, A History of Violence, then it's a must-see. The sense of uncontrollable doom and macabre textures that characterized A
History of Violence (and Cronenberg's whole ingenious oeuvre) seem to be at play in this thriller starring Naomi Watts as a nurse who may be unknowingly digging her own grave as she dares to unravel the mystery of a young woman's murder. Oh, and did I mention that Armin Mueller-Stahl, Vincent Cassel, and Viggo Mortensen play members of the Russian mob, casting decisions that may be enough to ensure expectations of pure terror. -Christian Kamongi

We warned you. Bwog music critic Bryan Mochizuki has been peeing his pants all week for this moment: the Oscar Liveblog. Awards will start dropping in about an hour, so meanwhile, Bryan's got a warmup for you. Keep refreshing for the latest updates.

I don't know a single person who is excited about Ellen DeGeneres hosting tonight, which means that everyone should be excited. Expectations haven't been nearly this low since Whoopi's return in 2001, and I think most people would even take her over Ellen. This is good though. Jon Stewart had to be really funny in a Jon Stewart way but still conform to the Billy Crystal footprint. This turned out to be pretty impossible. Ellen just has to not be bad and it'll be a success. And she's hosting after a week/month/year where the jokes wrote themselves.

All the Oscar pool talk I've heard this year circles around Pan's Labyrinth (ie: "Are you gonna ride the 'Lab all the way?"). Which is strange because the biggest category they're up for is Original Screenplay. I can't remember a year where the possible big winner of the night wasn't up for Picture or Director or any of the acting awards.

The 'Lab plot-line is joined by two other big ones to watch through the evening: The Departed (hopefully) taking over and Diva-fest, aka Beyonce vs. Jennifer Hudson, aka THE MOST DYNAMIC COMPETITION FOR BEST SONG THAT ANY OF US WILL EVER WATCH. Seriously, besides Best Director, Best Original Diva Jam is the big attraction of the night. Will they let Hudson double up because she's just that good, or will "Listen" get the apology Oscar since Beyonce got snubbed as the fifth songwriter? OR will they snub "Listen" AND "Love You I Do" because Beyonce doesn't want anyone to get that statue if she can"t, and Jiggaman has a deep Melissa Etheridge collection? So many possibilities!

7:30 PM: Joan Rivers is on fire on the TV Guide Channel. She just scared/out-funnied Steve Carrell. They keep cutting away from her, usually to shots of Jessica Biel and Penelope Cruz with not funny people talking over them. Very conflicted over this decision...

7:39 PM: Oooh...Diva-fest begins. Jennifer Hudson is on some Captain Eo shit though with that jacket. I'm afraid to speak on fashion stuff, but, yeah, I know this jacket. We've met before.

In which Bwog music critic Bryan Mochizuki programs your Friday, Sunday, and Monday nights.

There are at least two really great shows in the city this weekend and two equally shiver-inducing MP3's to share today, but first...THE OSCARS ARE THIS SUNDAY. Among the reasons to be excited: this year's Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Ennio Morricone, the composer on A Fistful Of Dollars, Once Upon A Time In The West, and 504 other films/shows. Bank on this as THE highlight reel of the evening: the final showdown in West, the first time you hear the classic "do-ee-oo-ee-oo" theme in Good/Bad/Ugly, any scene from Bulworth, you get the picture. For the show, Celine Dion's singing. Not mad, although I'd have preferred Warren Beatty. Anywho, on Sunday check in for that liveblog action that you've been missing from your life. But enough talk...

"Apocalypse" — Vietnam

Vietnam's a rock band from Brooklyn. Make or break, right? Like either "oh Jesus give that Brooklyn here!" or "play Clap Your Hands again. I dare you." The thing is: a. they're originally from Austin, which makes sense considering the healthy dose of twang that pops up in their riffs. And b. there aren't many Brooklyn bands that give people this much nostalgia for electric Dylan and Loaded-era Velvet Underground. These dudes hit those nails on their respective heads, but only enough to tease you into keep listening. It's like if Marisa Miller were to do a classic Farrah Fawcett pose — yeah, she's jacking a bit, but it also shows that she can play on that level. "Apocalypse" is the most dynamic song on their debut album, which came out in January. They'll be playing it tonight at Southpaw in Brooklyn. Get tickets here.

Yeah, we know they're still two weeks away, but Bwog likes to get things rolling early. Because there's not much else exciting about February, we bring you an abridged set of Oscar predictions from daily Bwog editor Dan D'Addario and contributor Ashley Nin--because no one cares who did the best sound mixing anyway (Dan's responses first, then Ashley's).

Best Picture

Will Win - "Babel." "The Departed", while well-executed (no pun intended), received fewer nominations and seems too "genre" to win. "Babel" seems far more "important" in the way that "Crash" was last year. The spoiler in the race is "Little Miss Sunshine," but as a light comedy, it has a tough row to hoe with the Academy.

"The Departed." It's got nine awards exclusively in the Best Picture Category (Letters has 6, Babel 1, Little Miss Sunshine 3, The Queen 3). Do the math.

Should win - "The Departed" shines in every aspect - ensemble acting, writing, directing. It only improves on repeated viewing, and the final ten minutes alone will stand up as one of the best closing scenes of the decade.

"The Departed". It really is very well done in all aspects: the ensemble cast is balanced, everyone bringing unique and impressive efforts; the cinematography is polished, the script is engaging.