The rationale provided by administrators, according to several current RAs, is that after the Radio Perfecto shooting, RAs should be available immediately to talk to their residents and can never be more than a ten minute walk from their residential area or building and cannot be on the subway at all. Kris Alspach, CC '09 and Wien RA, wondered what they, as RAs, could do in a situation like that of the Radio Perfecto shooting. "They're turning us into police officers. They're making our responsibility for our jobs greater than our responsibility as students," he said.

On December 19, two days before potentially returning Resident Advisors had to submit their applications for the 2008-2009 school year, rising junior and senior RAs received an email from Dean Kromm, Director of Residential Programs, detailing changes to their duties. Specifically, when on-duty, they must be closer to campus at all times and cannot be in the subway.

The rationale provided by administrators, according to several current RAs, is that after the Radio Perfecto shooting, RAs should be available immediately to talk to their residents and can never be more than a ten minute walk from their residential area or building and cannot be on the subway at all. Kris Alspach, CC '09 and Wien RA, wondered what they, as RAs, could do in a situation like that of the Radio Perfecto shooting. "They're turning us into police officers. They're making our responsibility for our jobs greater than our responsibility as students," he said.

For all you needy first-years that want to get in with your R.A., heed the words of Resident Advisor alumnus Zachary Bendiner. Or be damned!

Ahoy, nubile class of 2010 !

As you endure the harrowing pop of your collegiate cherry, remember that you are never alone. When you are blubbering over your B+ on a University Writing paper, He shall be there. When you are trying to convince your roommate not to have sex in the shower, He shall be there. And when you are throwing lame parties in Carman, He shall be there—to bust your ass.

Yes, in many ways, your Resident Advisor is midwife to your college glories—the placenta in this case having abnormally high blood-alcohol-content. But unlike most midwives, an RA often wields his power like a billy club—ruining first-years' hopes of drunken revelry. It need not be so. But how does the lowly first-year endear himself to this all-powerful, omniscient creature known as the Resident Advisor?

DO address him as the Egyptian sun god "Ra."

DO use sexually and racially charged language. Like "Canuck" or "honey-buns." After a day devoted to awkward and insulting diversity training, every RA rejoices in employing his newfound expertise.

DO keep your RA abreast of floorcest developments. This shall be one of his bitter-sweet joys, as living in first-year housing inevitably destroys an RA's sex life. "Hey baaaaaby...wanna come back to my room? Yeah, that's right, I gots a single—in Carman. Oh yeeeaaaah. [pelvic thrust] Wait, where are you going? Come back! Please?"

DO eat healthily. RAs respect a diet rich in roughage and exotic fruits.

"Don'ts" after the jump...