This message found taped to an EC vending machine. Not that angry statements against laundry aggressors aren't that novel, but this one's pretty harsh...

ATTENTION: To whoever stole my year-supply of TIDE detergent (w/Febreze):

I would like to tell you personally, that you are a douchebag. You couldn't grab like a load's-worth of detergent, you had to take the entire thing. When I went to go put in my last load of clothes, not only was my detergent gone, but the detergent machine ate my coins and my clothes are washing with no soap. I don't even know you but this is already too expensive of an interaction. Who do you think you stole from? Not from a privileged republican athlete, you stole from a girl who is not wealthy and was trying to save money by buying her detergent in bulk. I hope i have the opportunity to meet you in person so that I can tell you to eat shit. (something crossed out) fuck you.
<3
-El
p.s. your mother should have had an abortion, you parasite.
To whoever is touring Columbia's campus as a potential place for your son or daughter, do not come here. Your child's detergent is not safe. And he/she will be going to school with malicious opportunists who have no class and no respect.

- Kudos to Avishai Gebler for typing up the vitriol

Overheard outside East Campus during the second fire alarm of the night, 'round midnight:

"My entire suite is still in there!"

To departing firefighters: "Sorry it wasn't real,.."

Guy walking by the crowd outside EC: What's this for?
Bystander: It's a fire alarm.
Guy walking: Oh. Fuck that shit.

Bwog has also heard that three fire alarms in the last week have come from the same suite on the 12th floor. We don't want reasons, folks. Only justice.