Lions, erections, and bears, oh my!

The Bwog is no stranger to hate--for details, see our ill-fated Yorkie Roundtable and that time we reminded you our name is not spelled with all-caps--but we've never seen anything like the hate we saw last night. After months of lukewarm anticipation, the 114^th Annual Varsity Show unfolded last night in Roone Arledge to an almost sold-out student crowd and a group of terrified-looking adults. It was: sex-soaked, small in thematic scale and oppressively heterosexual--but fun.

The musical numbers alternated between sports-movie, heart-stirring exhortations ("Strong, Beautiful," "Hero") and quaint Gene Kelly/Busby Berkeley-style throwbacks ("Shoulder to Shoulder," "Well, Woman"). The dialogue was smothered in jokes about sex, bawdy body humor, hate, and Barnard hate. And the boy-meets-girl, boy accuses girl of lying, boy finds out girl's okay after all storyline—tied into the plot of "Lysistrata"—induced one audience member to comment to this reviewer, "Oh, you poor straights."

Bwog is taking it slow today and, most likely, so are you. Luckily, the good people at the 114th Annual Varisty Show (a.k.a. Morningside Hates) have unveiled their website. It features high-larious Dateline-style investigations of the V-show's alleged misdeeds. Bwog has, of course, watched all the videos, but isn't quite feeling up to full reviews. Nevertheless, Bwog recommends all the episodes from "Varsity Show Destroys Ozone Layer!!!etal" on down to the bottom of the page.

For those seeking a more involved way of whiling away their lives, Bwog will share its most recent hobby: INTERNET COLORING. Yes, with just a click here and a click there, you too can create beautiful images to decorate your soon-to-be-vacated room or soon-to-be-moved-into Butler study space. For the few who wholeheartedly embrace Bwog's critical eye, here are a few recommendations: the sassy "polka-dot top," the mystical "earth wizard," and the magnificent "eating hamburgers," a sad reminder of what the Candyland Cookout might have been.

Speaking of Candyland, the Hasbro website has a coloring page, too! The designs are delightful, but there's no purple on the color palette! For shame!

Last night, the cast and crew of the 114th Annual Varsity Show performed two half-hour previews. Deep in the nether regions of the "dive bar" formerly known as the West End, students and parents, as per tradition, filed into seats and booths around in the open space and piano in the back.

The preview was narrated by Judith Shapiro, played charismatically by Lauren Glover, BC '09. The plot was loosely based around the idea that this was J.Shap's "last fireside chat" before Debora Spar, her newly-named replacement, takes over. D.Spar has some "large Birkenstocks to fill," according to the ridiculously self-aggrandizing J.Shap.

The show shifted from the President's office in Milbank to the BC Dance Department. Four girls in I <3 BC shirts cracked mostly stale jokes about anorexia and bulimia—Barnard babysitters expressing jealously that their kids weren't hungry and kept throwing up. The dance class, cleverly titled "Dancing for Change and Changing for Dance," was one of the best scenes in the preview, due in large part to the perfect casting of Laura Kleinbaum, CC '08, as theoried-out (post)modern dance instructor Anette Schneider who believes that Hitler's minions "were dancing" when they marched for Nazism.

Obviously infatuated with Schneider, the four dancers (most of who are adept physical comedians) blindly and vigorously followed Schneider's instructions to dance "truth", "transitional justice", and "modernism... no! post modernism."

We weren't quite sure what to think when the Varsity Show C-team came calling with a request to ask you, dear readers, to tell them how to write this year's show. Do they really want to expose themselves to netizen ridicule? What good could come of a thread full of ad hominem attacks? But since everyone else seems to be going democratic these days, we thought, might as well foster the effort. Here's the pitch--try to play nice.

Dear Bwog Commenters,

Since many of you whom we may never meet put intelligent thought into criticism and analysis of the Varsity Show, we'd like to solicit your feedback on it for constructive purposes. We feel that there have been Bwog comments in the past that have been good at summating problems with shows succinctly; for example, here's one from the KCST thread last year that we thought was quite valid.

This is the kind of feedback that interests and affects us.

So, having said that: which Varsity Show of the ones you have seen has been your favorite? Why? What do you like to see in a Varsity Show? What don't you like to see? What specific things attempted do you think have worked and not worked? We're listening, er...reading.

Sincerely,

The 114th Annual Varsity Show Creative Team

UPDATE, 10:40 PM: Varsity Show doesn't actually want you to tell them how to write this year's show. They sent the following clarification:

"Perhaps we worded this too broadly. We're looking somewhat more for reactions to things in past years--what people have liked and disliked, specifically in general--than we're looking for suggestions for this year's show."

At approximately 4:30 AM last night, the students chosen to be in the 114th Annual Varsity Show's cast were inducted into Columbia's oldest theatrical tradition in the customary way - by getting hit in the face with pies. Around 70 people total auditioned, as opposed to 85 in '06. Fewer people auditioning didn't make the casting process any easier, though; producers Jeff Schwartz and Erin Byrne tell Bwog that "the creative team deliberated last night for almost 9 hours straight." Without further ado, here's the cast:

CAST
Kieron Cindric, CC '08
Sarah Dooley, BC '11
Lauren Glover, BC '09
Laura Kleinbaum, CC '08
Tobin Mitnick, CC '10
Will Snider, CC '09
Michael Snyder, CC' '10

CHORUS
Zach Dyer, CC '11
Emily Fisch, BC '11
Allie Paddock, CC '10
Sophie Ragir, BC '10
Michael Seaman, SEAS '10

Do you ever get nostalgia for your boarding/private school days? Cardigans? The old boys' club? The Varsity Show has set up a country club on Low plaza, complete with cucumber sandwiches, Arnold Palmer's, bubble gum cigars, and neon golf balls. Delicious!

Many of last year's V-Show alums seem to be returning for V114, including Rob Trump, Emily Bickford, and Benjamin Velez.

Director: Hannah Kass B'09

Producers: Erin Byrne B'09, Jeff Schwartz C'10

Writers: Rob Trump C'09, [B&W managing editor] James Williams C'08

Composers/Lyricists: Katie Hathaway B'10, Benjamin Velez C'10

Choreographer: Emily Bickford B'09

Also, you might expect Bwog to pass off a flimsy excuse as to why we're including this clip of the defunct Columbia soap opera The Gates, (for instance, how it was one target of V113's sharp humor). However, dear reader, it's best not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

If you haven't noticed the giant yellow banner in Lerner yet, or the giant yellow posters all over campus, it's V-show time--and tickets for "Insufficient Funds" are going fast (get yours here). Meanwhile, Bwog music critic Bryan Mochizuki has been chronicling rehearsals over the past few weeks, and created this pictorial window into the world of V113.

Geo Karapetyan, producer of the 113th Annual Varsity Show, sends us this early morning news:

The Varsity Show was cast last night and the creative team just pied
(most of) this year's cast as an induction. The cast for V113 is:

Becky Abrams, C'08
Thomas Anawalt, C'09
Josh Breslow, C'08
Caitlin Harrity, B'07
Jordy Lievers, C'07
Michael Molina, C'10
Mark Rosenthal, GS'07
Caitlin Shure, C'07

Bwog wishes you a hearty Congratulations! And of course, all your friends now understand why you won't be able to see them (or much of your classes) for the rest of the year...

So by now you must have noticed- how could you not?- the Varsity Show's recruiting gimmick on the steps of Low today. They say it's to drum up interest in auditioning for cast and chorus positions in Columbia's favorite musical tradition. (November 13th-14th, 8-11PM, kids! Prepare a song!)

We've also spotted camp-counselor recruiters wandering around campus, accosting students with evangelical zeal and handing out yellow leaflets. And, last time we checked, they were handing out free GORP baggies around their non-burning bonfire.

So, why the camping theme?
"It's completely random. We wanted to go for something a little out there, something you wouldn't expect," one V-shower told Lydia DePillis.

Breaking: Tipster Josh Mathew reports: "In front of the Varsity Show's setup are 2 twin, young boys in blazers with TV mics. There's also a professional camera man shooting them."

More pictures after the jump.