Everyone's upset and running amok. Bwog covered it all.

The Ivy League is dismayed, and it's our fault. Lively prefers us over Yale, we virtually destroyed Brown's virtual campus, and football actually tore up Cornell's (actual?) football field.

Columbians are panicked; knives and germs are everywhere. Someone was assaulted and someone was stabbed. Public Safety moved in in time to see chubby freshmen experience this winter's first plague.

PrezBo is upset because the economy's messing with Manhattanville, the engineers are agitated because SEAS is really hard, and the committees are concerned because of changing gender patterns.

But on the upside, just another week and a half to Thanksgiving, Christmas has come early, and said related break is longer than usual. Cheers!

'Twas a colorful week in Columbiaville

Grey: It rained that one day.

Flesh: Giant inflatable penis-gate!

Pink: People looked uncomfortable

Red: Appletree is fanciful and red.

Red & Blue: McCain and Co. are up in arms about Rashid Khalidi.

Red & Orange: Barnard "burned".

Orange: Halloween-themed bikers took to the streets.

Yellow: One of the distracted drivers ran into a restaurant, there was police tape aplenty.

A quick summary for you of last week's goings-on.

We have food! We have fire! We have questionable degrees! We have Yale! We have modernity! We have Hermione! and also Pablo! but not the debate! We have crime! but we have police! We have roaches! We have "porn"! We have hawks! We have Shollenberger! who's pretty gangsta! and quite poetic! We have chickpeas and chicken and rice!

We unwillingly imitated Yale and saved the children of Gulu, dressed as sexually indiscriminate Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.

The threat of a vanishing sandwich forced Rack&Soul to move -- next door.

McCain wore another awful striped tie and Bollinger wore a questionable yellow sweater.

Columbia gained its 70-somethingth Nobel Prize, this time in Chemistry; English majors reportedly were irate.

Bill Ayers was buoyed by the many arms of Alma Mater but hid in the J-School cafe anyway.

PKA pledgers were caught playing Bingo and the Big Brother Twelve screamed to tear down the wall (not really).

We found love in the UK; we hoped they would visit.

The men's swim team strutted their stuff; the skateboarders fled in leather jackets.

Presidents, presidents, presidents... and Shakira, Shakira!

Endorsement... lol

Brinkley stepped down, and a cryptic PrezBo email followed

The NROTC debate continued, and a cryptic PrezBo email followed

McCain violated the number one rule of presidential debates: never wear a striped tie on camera.

We enacted our revenge on Yale, as payback for summer's Gossip Girl slight.

-- WSL

For a three-day week, it sure felt a lot longer. Maybe it was the newness, maybe it was the heat (or Hanna). Either way, let's relive this auspicious beginning to the semester.

Your professors began class in off-putting and amusing ways

A mysterious antagonist offended one violent feminist in EC 

We discovered our beloved bird of prey was a plural

To little fanfare, tacos were substituted for stir-fry in Ferris Booth 

It was announced Obama and McCain would soon descend upon Roone

At which point, every single person in the world immediately tried to secure tickets. These attempts were rebuffed by fickle and cruel technology. 

Professors bid their classes adieu, claim, "There's still hope!"

Hawkmadinejad should consider taking a leaf out of Woody Allen's book. 

Stressed about finals? Maybe look into the therapeutic benefits of being a sniper--only virtually, of course.

Way way back in the 1980s, Columbia employees map campus, and Wallach was called Livingston! Will wonders never cease?

 No snark alert: Columbia baseball wins Ivy League championship!

It's just Lindsay Lohan's luck that the Columbia student whose coat she stole is pressing charges.

For the record, here's how wise Columbia seniors responded this week when asked which they would rather give up, oral sex or cheese:

"It depends--giving cheese or receiving cheese?"

"Well, given my current diet, if I gave up cheese I'd probably starve to death, and therefore lose both..."

"Let me put it this way: Westside Market offers free samples of only one of these things."

"In the dictionary, the word 'turophile' has my picture next to it. I vacuum-clean all the cheese at formal events. I hope this answers it."

"You're asking the Careless Cook? Oral sex, duh."

"Is the cheese in the form of cheese curds from Wisconsin? Please clarify."

Oral sex fans, don't give up. There's one senior on your side: "Cheese."

Then: Crazy protesters!

Now: Mild-mannered protesters!

Then: No gentrification!

Now: No gentrification! Also, an Arts Fair.

Then, meaning Monday: Hipsters!

Now, meaning Friday: Hipsters!

There were debates. There were endorsements. There were controversies. There were results. There were victories. And, of course, there were totally sickass parties with beer-filled pinatas.

Even CCSC candidates need love.

SEAS and Barnard also had eventful weeks, in regards to elections and The Vag, respectfully.

Politics exist outside of Student Council, too!

In other news: '08 CC valedictorian
is surprisingly adorable, Hindu holiday Holi is delightfully colorful, and Take Back the Night is moving.

Goodbye, Flex at HamDel.

Hello, new Blue & White website.

Hello, Housing Lottery LiveBwog! Goodbye, rooms in Hogan and Watt.

Goodbye, tarps on lawns. Hello, first mediocre street fair of the season.

Hello, lukewarm reactions to Obama Girl.

Goodbye, Niko Cunningham(?)

Several vendors are giving away free pizza to Columbia/Barnard students? Oops - looks like the word free needs to be in quotation marks.

Joel WHO for Class Day Speaker?

Off-campus Flex is real? And, minus a few technical problems, it actually works?

Obama is still committed to visiting every single college in New York City except his Alma Mater?

A snark-free Bwog post can exist?

"Mayo should be spread on everything, including your face?"

Hawkmadinejad captures our hearts, is captured by our camera lenses and Mii-makers...

... but he's got competition.

Bwog correspondent gives us a bird's eye view of Columbia/Barnard construction.

The avian version of Manhattanville occurs in front of Earl Hall.

Recipe for fried chicken shows birds in a different, delicious light.

CCSC candidates squawk about proper campaigning; a campus yawns.

Photo by James Dawson.

Which comments were responses to which Bwog articles? We're trusting you not to cheat:

a. "Chickens are arguably as intelligent as dogs or cats, yet if someone treated his pets the way that chickens are abused on factory farms, he would be taken to court."

b. "Motherfucker got narcolepsy, falling asleep at 7:48."

c. "I love you Brittany!"

d. "these people make hippies seem pleasant."

e. "God, I miss Animorphs."

1. Assassins Report

2. Sidewalk evangelism

3. CCSC Weekly Report: (Free Food) and Exclamations

4. Hawk Stalking

5. Deconstructing the Deaniac